Monday, November 10, 2008

Orange Jumpsuit Man

I'm tired (and not just now) about all those movies where criminals are scot-free.
Especially the figure of the super-professional hit-man that is always one step above everybody else, especially the law enforcement !
One would think, that the law enforcement, with all that training, technique and resources, would have no problem catching those modern era ninjas.

I recently watched Hitman. It wasn't too bad for being a movie based on a game, considering that stories in games are usually comparable to bad sci-fi or b-movies at best.
Still, it's very hard to believe about those human killing machines trained so well and so carefully. But, realistically, how feasible is it to work as a professional killer ?
It seems to me like an incredibly risky job. With all the effort put into that one could do wonders somewhere else.

And why aren't those people ever caught ? I wish someday I could go to a theater to watch a movie where the protagonist is one of those super killing machines. Grand opening, lots of action and then a pair of cuffs 10 minutes into the movie. The End ..suckersssss !!!! So, much for your thirst of endless pure action with no consequences.

Oh yeah, sometimes you see the superhero losing some beautiful woman that he met a week before.. but that's a joke. C'mon, he's a playboy, do you really think he was going to stick to her ?! May as well have sent him to jail 8)
Imagine a hitman, the ultimate killing machine, with his wife telling him to take the kids to school, change diapers, go out in slacks to buy the milk carefully driving his family SUV to the market.

Hitman ? Bullshit man ! Stop selling us that crap o cheap killing and over the top exciting life. Start showing serious consequences.. it hurts my head to see so much stupidity. Watching those movies feels like when being in a dream and realizing that imagination alone can't possibly produce enough information to simulate the act of living.

Other cliches I hate:
  • Hacking in real-time: keep those counters rolling and the password will be yours in 9.. 8... 7.. seconds !
  • Jumping off buildings and landing with a minor back pain and a few scratches (Rambo 1 was still OK, but jumps like in The Island, please !)
  • The "everybody else was just a puppet (-.-)y~~" kind of finals.. perfect choreography !
    Oh yeah ? Can you guess which finger am I lifting right now ? 8)
  • The genius wiz-kid that ate your PhD for breakfast and that knows how many beans were in your jar yesteday.
  • The sleep punch: this is a very old one. Exactly, how do you punch a person for sleeping rather than just hurting or generally pissing off ?
  • The person that is OK if he or she dies, because he or she did something bad early in the movie. Repent all you want, we need someone to die and you got the worst moral score !
  • The car getaways: traffic is for suckers, helicopters are filled with explosive and their pilots couldn't see a mountain if their life depended on it.
  • The one gun per hand: I believe that in real life that is utter BS. It's gotten old anyway !
There !


  1. Heh, thats the difference between fiction and non-fiction.

  2. Then how about the difference between good fiction and bad fiction ? 8)

  3. Good and bad, or realistic and unrealistic?

    There are plenty bad movies where nobody dies holds a gun or jumps of the roof.

  4. It's like science vs religion.

    They both allow for anything to be possible, only the first one is coherent, while the second one relies on being sloppy.

    I realize that most movies are meant for entertainment and they have to simplify and compress the time.. but some fiction is certainly more plausible than other.

    I don't mind things being overly illogical and implausible, but that becomes comedy 8)