Monday, June 1, 2009

Bull-E

"Socially" busy this weekend 8)

A company barbecue on Saturday, club on Saturday night and then met friends on Sunday evening at a cafe and then dinner.

..now, about friends. My main interest in life is pretty much programming computers, but I find social behavior really also very interesting. I like to try rationalize social behavior because I like the idea (like many) to see and foresee what crosses a person's mind.

I think everyone probably in school had classmates that would pick on them. I'm not a passive person and I never really felt I was being particuarly bullied. I was usually the person that would stand up and defend the underdog.

..however, my interest in computers and I guess overall because of my character, I often felt like I'd be pocked around by other friends. I think it's a normal social pattern.. to have for example 3 people hanging out and 2 of them (usually those that are more socially active with each other) picking on the less socially active one.
The interesting thing however is that I'm now 36 and this still happens 8)

Specifically on the case of my Italian friends in Japan.. I used to enjoy a certain status of respect for quite some time, but as other friends became closer to each other and as I started dedicating less time to social activities and more to programming at home, things naturally shifted against me (I suspect me not willing to have a facecrook account also has an influence on this).
Now, I'm treated a bit as a bitter perssimist, and an elitistic geek that likes to talk about shader virtual machines, SIMD and multicore programming.
I'm tricked into trying to explain what I'm passionate about, but it's hard to make sense of it from the outside.. and it probably comes out as some sort of pointless technobabble.

It has to be said that it's quite possible that while I was being treated with more respect, I may have been disrespectful myself. I think that extra sensibility is needed for the perpetrators to realize when they are crossing the line.. because the perpetrators are the majority and that makes them the norm: if I say you are a dork and my friend agrees, then you are a dork.

Today an argument sparked specifically with me claiming that one to be successful in life has to make extra sacrifices perhaps to the level of spending weekends at home "coding" (coding possibly meant more broadly than just programming).
Of course the definition of success is very relative, to me success is to be knowledgeable, to favor the logical mind against the plasures of the body, and such.. after all, ignorance is bliss and in the modern world, intelligence more of a burden than anything else.

In today's specific case I was a bit pushed around because of my current intense dedication to next-gen 3D graphics, while one of my friends would rather spend time programming some apps on the iPhone (at least in words..), go to the gym, travel, etc.
This is a bit of a classic case of trying to bully the geeky one.. but this has to come from a battle of egos, where the more down-to-earth guys (those that aren't as motivated) are trying to minimize the guy that has much bigger goals in mind..

It's similar to the recent tendency to belittle photorealism in games. Many are in favor of the Wii because they just want a simpler life made of icons, rather than a potentally alternative representation of reality.. where some annoying nerd would have the last word on it. "Bhaa, too complex to be fun !"

And perhaps I'm actually really annoying myself. I can be rather judgemental and straightforward (read: an a-hole).
In my world there are two kind of people: those that code and those that don't. Those that are working extra hard and those that aren't. I keep this for myself until I'm teased, and then I'll say it out.. and turn myself into a bag of hate 8)

I like to see facts, especially from those that claim to want to do this and that but can't find the will.
If you don't have the balls, don't pretend it.. not everyone has to be a developer in life.. just make sure you give proper respect to those that work their asses off.
Feed your ego with your own achievements more than with the underachievement of others ..if you want to be happy with yourself 8)

woooooooooooooooooo